I really had a great Thanksgiving with my family and friends. Ofcouse it did not come with its far amount of "holiday" drama but that is to be expected:( It was still really good to see folks that I have not seen in a while but you cant imagine how shocked I was to see my old crush Kevin. He walked through the door looking like a grown ass man with sex appeal spilling all over the place. He stopped by with his younger sister, two small boys and a few other folks that I did not know. Kevin and I never dated however our families have been friends for years.
Our grandmothers were best friends with each other and our mothers went to school together. We practically grew up together. However they lived in another school district so we would see each other every so often. He never knew about the crush..that was my little thing. I have a thing for tall chocolate men with nice teeth and great smiles..a great smile can move their stock up and facial hair takes the stock through the roof! Anyway we kept up a little while we were in college and a little afterward because we wound up living in the same city. I even set him up with one of my friends and it fizzled on the first date. He wasn't feeling her. Was he feeling me? Anyway when he walked through the door with the works same beautiful smile and extra bonus beard to boot! I was pleasantly surprised. The conversation went like this..

Me: Oh my goodness Kevin how are you?
K: Its been so long, how did we lose touch? Are you still in Raleigh?
Me: Yes..Are you? I don't know what happened.
(we chatted for a few minutes about various things all the while I'm thinking...man you are still so handsome)

His sister blurting in our conversation: "Are you married?...Kevin is single "
Me: "No I'm not married ..ok.. whose little boys"
His sister: "Those are my boys...Kevin does not have any kids or a wife"
Kevin (chuckled): "I have your information I will definitely keep in touch with you..."
His sister: "If you two get together we could hang out and shop"..(she laughed)

Not saying anything would come from it with Kevin and I after all we both have grown up and mature enough. However its funny this would come after I made a decision to take a break from dating. OK let me explain. I made a decision a few weeks ago to not date for a while and focus more on a few of the projects that I am working i.e graduate school, my novel,business ect. My son who is with his dad is active in sports, first football now wrestling. I could name a few more things but I don't want to seem as if I am overwhelming myself. If I really dig down deep and tell myself the truth which is what this blog is all about ...truth. I recently broke up with my smell so good, baldy with the salt and pepper goatee. We decided that we would "just be friends". I know it was because I pulled an "old me" move that did not gel to well with him. I knew I needed to take a break and think about why I would even want to resurrect the "old me" ..

I guess I realized that he did not want the same thing that I was after..he just wanted to "kick it" with me. I am not the "kick it" kind of girl. I want something I can sink my teeth into.. After three months of dating...I went into sabatoge mood...doing classic women stuff as Pastor David G. Evan calls it in his ministry series "Dare to be a Man". His message is so POWERFUL!! I listened to those cd's over and over . I recognized some things I did to get the same results from past relationships. So why after learning what not to say or not do to a man or learning how men think would I end it with a bang. Funny I don't really have any regrets about the outcome..just how it came to its demise..if I felt secure in the relationship enough it probably would not be blogging about this.. No matter what I looove me some me but I could work on being a better me and that means during my break I will dig a little deeper and hopefully find more roots to dig up...but in the interim I am going to handle my business:)

"In all the years you've said that you are going to go out to help Charlie you've never set foot out of the bed" -Charlie's Mother talking to bed ridden Grandpa Joe (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

I ask myself what promises am I making to myself that I have not even made a move to start. Or worse how many projects have I started that I have not finished. In my process of reinventing myself I am finishing what I started..but with a better attitude and in a better more definitive way. I am starting with the end in mind....I am on my way..I know it won't be easy but I will get there.

Well I am making a comeback. I haven't blogged in a minute. I need to devote more time to it but as Lechelle my dear friend mentioned in her blog...I choose the clown. I am more of the clown at this point. I feel like my life is a little out of whack...I am looking for a house....another car...another man..well another man should be looking for me. I am making some daily affirmations so I don't have time to keep the clown role...so I will be dropping it soon...the ringmaster is not far off.

Ten Things about me

ok Ten things about me.......

1. My son and I made up our own language when he was really little and sometimes we do it....funny thing is we still understand each other.

2. I am hooked on "Antiques Roadshow" i cannot get enough of it ...when I found out they were coming to my city I put in for the ticket lottery but they did not pick me:(

3: I really love the color green...my bedroom is green..its so fresh and vibrant

4. I love men with bald heads and goatees.. I don't know why and if the goatee has salt and pepper in it..im hooked..(btw) I just met a guy with a bald head and goatee..

5. I really love the cd 'Watching the Snow" by Michael Franks...its a Christmas CD and I would play it all year long...I gave it to my brother..now I have to by another one.

6. I dont like clowns.

7. I really love the sound of rain..especially in a storm...I lift my window and I am in heaven.

8. I think if i ever had a chance to meet anyone it would be Forest Whitaker

9. I love long drives in the fall...I like watching the leaves.

10. I absolutely looooove interior design and cooking!

Overpromise...underdeliver..

Today I had a situation happen to me that almost knocked me backwards...but I accepted the change and decided that it was going to enhance my life in someway..so I will just wait and see how. On my journey for renewal I am learning and understanding little bits at a time ...I will call them "nuggets" small chunks or epiphanic moments...that come unexpectedly..(btw I make up words ...if Jesse Jackson can...so can I ..lol) ..like today I realized that I am not going to make anymore promises nor accept promises from people who cant deliver. If I know that I cannot deliver as promised than I will simply say so...I did not think about it until I realized that it was happening to me more than I would care to mention. Maybe its because I am not always accountable for my actions...i.e. if I'm late for something...or forget a date ...you attract what you are..so I will work on my stuff and hold others to the fire too. If I do better than hopefully I will attract better...I think so..

This is my first day....be gentle

Day 1-Today is the my first day blogging...my good friend "lechelle" who is a regular blogger suggested that I give it a try so here I am in all my glory. I feel a little exposed but I am not at all shy..so I will get over myself and let loose. I must say that it really hit me that I had a lot to say and needed another way to express my thoughts...or maybe my journal needed a rest. I realized a horrible truth , I was not being honest with myself and some of the decisions that I have made and it has cost me a lot of time, effort and money. None can be replaced..so I will take the lesson and apply it to my life moving forward. So this is going to be a journey of renewal....new beginnings in decisions I make from here on out ... I need to be a little more selective with people, places and things. I realize being a nice person can really lead you into a world of trouble. So here it is..from here on my bad decisions are a thing of the past..we hope. The thing with bad decisions you have to keep making bad decisions to keep supporting them. You keep convincing yourself that it will work itself out and usually it never does..so you keep medicating yourself with overriding thoughts to snuff out the obvious..YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE...so I was there and now I am here...here meaning I stop accepting certain phone calls or making certain phone calls. Hey somethings are better left unspoken. Everyone might not agree..ok go ahead pick up the phone and let the "bad choice" talk you right back into the thing you are trying to let go.