NEWS FLASH..Forget Tiger..my baldy's back!!

Its true "bald head and goatee" came back last night. ..Not without me swallowing my pride and sending a olive branch by way of a "Merry Christmas"text...he responded so I just let it be. Then I had a thought...why not reach out a little more since the "break up" was my fault. I decided to wait a few days and send another little "olive leaf" his way. He responded with a "Can I call you? text. I was so excited that I just stared at my phone..(why do we do that)...I waited a few minutes and responded with "Yes"...He called an hour later and we talked for atleast an hour.. during our talk he apologized and told me that he missed me. I really missed him..but we did need a little break..I thought about him a lot..that night he came over and we watched a movie... Should I tell him that I really took a break from dating..but I did meet someone...????What now?

Tiger..oh Tiger...Part 1

First..I have a disclaimer before I make comments about Tiger Woods and his situation. I want the record to show that I by no means am I judging him. I am merely making a speculation based on what the media is reporting. I could care less about the way he chooses to live his life but I will post my comments to anyone who wants to read.

OK..now that I got that out of the way..lets get to the good stuff:)

I don't really agree with what Tiger has done to put himself and family in this position. I AM NOT cosigning his behavior at all. But come on I thought to myself....is it all on him?

So I wanted to dig a little bit deeper about men and why they do what they do. I will reference some of the information that I learned from Bishop David G.Evans and George Bloomer. Based on their views on men and relationships. I am learning so much about the what is a real man and the way a real man behaves and think when they are not happy, when they are stressed, when they are frustrated.

I had too because I was asking my girlfriends who were women...I needed to hear it from a man..I love the David G.Evans...he starts out saying "Ladies I am going to tell you things about a man your daddy should have told you". I love that because my father past five years ago and really for most of my life he was not available for such conversations. I needed to have them in the worst way in my twenties. I was clueless and made A LOT of mistakes...lots of them. I am glad my twenties are gone. My thirties..um I developed some sort of rhyme or reason and started to see the light on what not to do...however it took a lot to conform but we will get back to that.

It was funny, when I started out I discovered I had a lot of behavior that was really killing my relationships and I did not realize how bad it was until I learned different. The key is implementation. Some of the things I learned from the teachings are that men have their own language and if we are going to be in their lives we need to learn their language and stop trying to make them think like us. We slowing turn them into our girlfriends. We want them all sensitive and when they become sensitive we don't respect what we created. Now we think he is weak.

Men are weight barriers..meaning that they grow stronger by the weight that they bare i.e.issues of life. Men are always in fires or putting out fires. A real man can handle a situation with calm and ease..if we let them. When we enable them we weaken them. When a man comes home he needs some time to relax in his environment before we "ponce" issues on them.

This next one is the BIGGY!!! Out of all of my teachings..this one blew my mind the most. ...are you ready?
Men are absent and present at the same time... wheewww let that one soak in. When a man stops talking that means one or two things ...he is leaving or he already left! He can be sitting right next to you and not really be there....like the song goes..."Your body is here with me but your mind is on the other side of town".

That is the worst...because we cause it sometimes by what comes out of our mouth...the average woman can argue a man right out the door..then wonder why he left..then "Sally" gets him and she is all sweet...she listens to him..she laughs at his corny ass jokes and Sally gets most of his time.. That is why he seems so drain when he comes home because "Sally got the best of him and you have the crumbs ..a shell of a man...you beat him up emotionally and the well that he is suppose to draw from is dry and not producing so what does he do...he searches for another source to draw from..a surrogate ..most times he don't love her but she is in the filler position. "Sally" does not mind watering a tree that is not hers because she is enjoying the fruit. Hell she did not plant it..but she is nurturing it.. Now when he goes home he is withered ..no life..no sunshine..complain complain complain..shot down... He runs to "Sally" her arms...(and legs) wide open..full of plant food ready to nurture. Now I am not saying that what he is doing is OK but what I am saying is if we nurture our men and keep our mouths shut and learn how to say things at the right and appropriate time in a sweeter way..things might go a lot smoother. We are all "entrust" to good treatment not "entitled. When we do certain things to a man it kills their passion for us. period. not that it can't come back but it won't if we keep repeating toxic behavior.Being stubborn is not cute..I learned that quick. I had to co con conf confo CONFORM!!

Now how does that apply to Tiger and his situation. Not sure. I have never been married nor do I understand fully all the complexities of being married. But I can imagine from what I hear from couples that in the beginning its all good..that new energy of shared lives coming together to make a go at it. To me its sort of reminds me of a new car with a new car smell ...your all hyped at the new and shiny vehicle...then the new car smell goes away and the shine is not as shiny..you don't get as much pleasure driving it ...it accumulates miles and makes a little extra noise.. Did Tiger go shopping for another or several other cars to drive because the car he had was making too much noise.. or the shine went away.. Men love it when you are glad to see them when they come home and it works both ways. Who knows what was going on in his world behind closed doors..

I really had a great Thanksgiving with my family and friends. Ofcouse it did not come with its far amount of "holiday" drama but that is to be expected:( It was still really good to see folks that I have not seen in a while but you cant imagine how shocked I was to see my old crush Kevin. He walked through the door looking like a grown ass man with sex appeal spilling all over the place. He stopped by with his younger sister, two small boys and a few other folks that I did not know. Kevin and I never dated however our families have been friends for years.
Our grandmothers were best friends with each other and our mothers went to school together. We practically grew up together. However they lived in another school district so we would see each other every so often. He never knew about the crush..that was my little thing. I have a thing for tall chocolate men with nice teeth and great smiles..a great smile can move their stock up and facial hair takes the stock through the roof! Anyway we kept up a little while we were in college and a little afterward because we wound up living in the same city. I even set him up with one of my friends and it fizzled on the first date. He wasn't feeling her. Was he feeling me? Anyway when he walked through the door with the works same beautiful smile and extra bonus beard to boot! I was pleasantly surprised. The conversation went like this..

Me: Oh my goodness Kevin how are you?
K: Its been so long, how did we lose touch? Are you still in Raleigh?
Me: Yes..Are you? I don't know what happened.
(we chatted for a few minutes about various things all the while I'm thinking...man you are still so handsome)

His sister blurting in our conversation: "Are you married?...Kevin is single "
Me: "No I'm not married ..ok.. whose little boys"
His sister: "Those are my boys...Kevin does not have any kids or a wife"
Kevin (chuckled): "I have your information I will definitely keep in touch with you..."
His sister: "If you two get together we could hang out and shop"..(she laughed)

Not saying anything would come from it with Kevin and I after all we both have grown up and mature enough. However its funny this would come after I made a decision to take a break from dating. OK let me explain. I made a decision a few weeks ago to not date for a while and focus more on a few of the projects that I am working i.e graduate school, my novel,business ect. My son who is with his dad is active in sports, first football now wrestling. I could name a few more things but I don't want to seem as if I am overwhelming myself. If I really dig down deep and tell myself the truth which is what this blog is all about ...truth. I recently broke up with my smell so good, baldy with the salt and pepper goatee. We decided that we would "just be friends". I know it was because I pulled an "old me" move that did not gel to well with him. I knew I needed to take a break and think about why I would even want to resurrect the "old me" ..

I guess I realized that he did not want the same thing that I was after..he just wanted to "kick it" with me. I am not the "kick it" kind of girl. I want something I can sink my teeth into.. After three months of dating...I went into sabatoge mood...doing classic women stuff as Pastor David G. Evan calls it in his ministry series "Dare to be a Man". His message is so POWERFUL!! I listened to those cd's over and over . I recognized some things I did to get the same results from past relationships. So why after learning what not to say or not do to a man or learning how men think would I end it with a bang. Funny I don't really have any regrets about the outcome..just how it came to its demise..if I felt secure in the relationship enough it probably would not be blogging about this.. No matter what I looove me some me but I could work on being a better me and that means during my break I will dig a little deeper and hopefully find more roots to dig up...but in the interim I am going to handle my business:)

"In all the years you've said that you are going to go out to help Charlie you've never set foot out of the bed" -Charlie's Mother talking to bed ridden Grandpa Joe (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

I ask myself what promises am I making to myself that I have not even made a move to start. Or worse how many projects have I started that I have not finished. In my process of reinventing myself I am finishing what I started..but with a better attitude and in a better more definitive way. I am starting with the end in mind....I am on my way..I know it won't be easy but I will get there.

Well I am making a comeback. I haven't blogged in a minute. I need to devote more time to it but as Lechelle my dear friend mentioned in her blog...I choose the clown. I am more of the clown at this point. I feel like my life is a little out of whack...I am looking for a house....another car...another man..well another man should be looking for me. I am making some daily affirmations so I don't have time to keep the clown role...so I will be dropping it soon...the ringmaster is not far off.

Ten Things about me

ok Ten things about me.......

1. My son and I made up our own language when he was really little and sometimes we do it....funny thing is we still understand each other.

2. I am hooked on "Antiques Roadshow" i cannot get enough of it ...when I found out they were coming to my city I put in for the ticket lottery but they did not pick me:(

3: I really love the color green...my bedroom is green..its so fresh and vibrant

4. I love men with bald heads and goatees.. I don't know why and if the goatee has salt and pepper in it..im hooked..(btw) I just met a guy with a bald head and goatee..

5. I really love the cd 'Watching the Snow" by Michael Franks...its a Christmas CD and I would play it all year long...I gave it to my brother..now I have to by another one.

6. I dont like clowns.

7. I really love the sound of rain..especially in a storm...I lift my window and I am in heaven.

8. I think if i ever had a chance to meet anyone it would be Forest Whitaker

9. I love long drives in the fall...I like watching the leaves.

10. I absolutely looooove interior design and cooking!

Overpromise...underdeliver..

Today I had a situation happen to me that almost knocked me backwards...but I accepted the change and decided that it was going to enhance my life in someway..so I will just wait and see how. On my journey for renewal I am learning and understanding little bits at a time ...I will call them "nuggets" small chunks or epiphanic moments...that come unexpectedly..(btw I make up words ...if Jesse Jackson can...so can I ..lol) ..like today I realized that I am not going to make anymore promises nor accept promises from people who cant deliver. If I know that I cannot deliver as promised than I will simply say so...I did not think about it until I realized that it was happening to me more than I would care to mention. Maybe its because I am not always accountable for my actions...i.e. if I'm late for something...or forget a date ...you attract what you are..so I will work on my stuff and hold others to the fire too. If I do better than hopefully I will attract better...I think so..

This is my first day....be gentle

Day 1-Today is the my first day blogging...my good friend "lechelle" who is a regular blogger suggested that I give it a try so here I am in all my glory. I feel a little exposed but I am not at all shy..so I will get over myself and let loose. I must say that it really hit me that I had a lot to say and needed another way to express my thoughts...or maybe my journal needed a rest. I realized a horrible truth , I was not being honest with myself and some of the decisions that I have made and it has cost me a lot of time, effort and money. None can be replaced..so I will take the lesson and apply it to my life moving forward. So this is going to be a journey of renewal....new beginnings in decisions I make from here on out ... I need to be a little more selective with people, places and things. I realize being a nice person can really lead you into a world of trouble. So here it is..from here on my bad decisions are a thing of the past..we hope. The thing with bad decisions you have to keep making bad decisions to keep supporting them. You keep convincing yourself that it will work itself out and usually it never does..so you keep medicating yourself with overriding thoughts to snuff out the obvious..YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE...so I was there and now I am here...here meaning I stop accepting certain phone calls or making certain phone calls. Hey somethings are better left unspoken. Everyone might not agree..ok go ahead pick up the phone and let the "bad choice" talk you right back into the thing you are trying to let go.